For when GEJ visits my blog

Dear GEJ,

First of all I love the way your acronym GEJ sounds in my ibo accent. Anyway to the main reason for this letter. Now that you have won again, I decided to let you know what I want from you. You have probably heard this many times but as I am a VVIP (lol) I am sure you will listen to me so I have decided to write this letter for whenever you decide to stumble across my palatial blog (you know they call you the facebook/internet president....you might as well visit blogsville). The book of Lamentations wasn't written for Nigerians so these are the things I need you to do ASAP:

1. Electricity. Please Please and Please, the NEPA or PHNC or wareva they call it now needs to start doing its job. The high cost of doing business in 9ja and the gum-body heat (which sometimes comes with mosquitoes at night) is more than enough reason to get electricity working ASAP!

2. Safety, safety, safety.  Security, security, security. The cost of maiguard/aboki is probably going up due to lack of trust in our police force. Worst still, the aboki or security that stand in places like Mr. Biggs (at least the one near my house) really can't do more than open and close door. If police is really our friend, then they need to beef up security measures so that I can feel safe in my country. (This may mean you have to pay the police officers more salary o)

3. Murtala Mohammed International Airport (MMIA). This should have probably been like number 1 because e dey pain me for bele, especially the BA checking area. (And no disrespect to other airports but u just can't step to MMIA in terms of importance) They either need to expand the airport or come up with some form of abracadabra that stops making travelling a nightmare. From the waiting lines to the staff to the AC and ventilation system due to odors of sweating bodies that just left the sun. I have too many horror stories arriving and departing but ill stop here

4. Pension. Now this one doesn't really seem like it affects me for now but for the mamas and papas who have served their country diligently (or even if its half-heartedly sef) I decide to advocate. Stop making them stand in line in hot sun then telling them to come next month until they die of hunger, starvation and heat (again electricity please)

5. NYSC. This is another heart felt number. So lets call it my personal beef. NYSC seems to me like a complete waste of time (especially the 3 weeks camp....ok maybe im just lazy) so if you could please find a way to better engage youths for a year, or better still make it optional or scrap it all together, you would have made my year. There is no need worsening the quality of education by sending graduates that couldn't care less about teaching to teach our future leaders of tomorrow in subjects that they themselves may not even be strong in. How many of you still remember your secondary school algebra?

6. Education. Like pension, this doesn't seem like a problem that directly affects me but it may affect my unborn children. The quality of education needs to be flying on a fast track if we want to produce globally competitive graduates. They say education is the great equalizer. In a country with a huge class disparity, getting education together will be welcomed by the majority that voted you in (which by the way UN or World Bank says is living under $1 a day)

7. Healthcare. We can't all be doing community donations to fly to India, Germany or US or even Reddington at our backyard there at Ikoyi, because we want decent treatment or worse still, because we want to save our lives. I am very afraid to fall seriously ill in the country and I assume many people are. However, shouts out to Egbon Fashola cause someone told me he sponsored their medical bills o (na so I hear the tory o). Anyway, get the healthcare together first then we will then talk of health insurance or national healthcare but for now, work on the treatment. You are a doctor by profession right?

8. Economy and everything employment sef. We can't keep on churning out more graduates than our public and private sector can bear. This has lead to the increase of yahoo yahoo and jazz and old papis and mamis smuggling drugs. In addition, the electricity issue (you see how serious I am about that one) and other anti-business conditions like "omo oniles" aka "area boys" and lack of relevant, necessary and easily accessible information and perpetually unfavorable credit/loan terms, makes doing business a problem in Nigeria. People are going to our blacker brothers and sisters in Ghana to do business. We can't sit and watch our house burn while our neighbour is building a mansion.

9. Transportation. Again I don't care much for 9ja public transport system with all this talk of "one chance" people and plus its just not comfy abeg (im sha a professional bus rider here sha lol). Anyway, I hear you are doing train and all. That is good but the problem is much bigger than that. From the quality of transportation, to the roads to traffic to road safety....we both know the list goes on. Egbon Fash in lagos has tried on this front so you may want to talk to some of your other governors about this.

10. Patience Dame GEJ. The thing I like most about your return as president is the fact that we get to see your delectable wife. Please promise that she will continue to be in the public eye in your 4 years and the comic relief she provides everytime we see her makes basketmouth and julius agwu look like novices

Thanks for your time as I know you are a very busy man and my warmest regards to Dame,

Signed:
Olori "fine girl no pimples, just dimples"

*****I assume he reads comments too lol so if you have more to add to the list please add o. He may just use style make one of us ministers now lol